Kwangoko kulenyanga, uTracee Ellis Ross wavula iNkomfa yeTED yonyaka ngentetho malunga nokuvutha komfazi abaziva, kwaye bahlala beziva, kwaye ayisiyonto yokungcwaba okanye ukubaleka. Endaweni yoko, kufuneka simamele kobo bushushu nabo bonke ubulumko obukubo. Ividiyo yentetho ka-Ellis sele ikhutshiwe kwaye ndifuna wazi ukuba andibaxi, nokuba kukancinci, xa ndisithi kufuneka ubukele le vidiyo ngoku .
URoss uqala ngebali ngomhlobo wakhe owathi, ngelixa egcwalisa iifom eposini, ngequbuliso wafumana izandla zomntu kuye, emsusa emzimbeni wakhe ukuze afikelele kwinto awayeyivimba. Ukusuka kwisandi sayo, akazange amtyhalele. Kwakungekho ndlongondlongo. Yayinezandla ezibini emagxeni akhe, imphakamisa kwaye imshukumisa, njenge-ottoman, njenge-shaker yetyuwa, njengento engabalulekanga, engaphiliyo engabhalisi nokuba sele ikho, ngaphandle nje kokuba ibisendleleni yakhe.
Umhlobo kaRoss wothuka ekuqaleni, kunjalo. Kwaye ke kwavuka ingqumbo kuye engakwaziyo ukuyichaza, utshilo uRoss. Hayi ukucaphukisa. Hayi ukukhathazeka. Kodwa ‘ingqumbo’ yayiligama awayelisebenzisa. Kwaye wayengazi ukuba kutheni. Indoda ayizange imbethe okanye ibe ndlongondlongo kunye naye. Uye wandishukumisa. Kwaye ndandifuna ukumlimaza.
Kwaye uRoss uthi ngokuva nje malunga nebali, waziva enomsindo. Njengam. Ndicinga ukuba uninzi lokufunda okanye ukuva ibali uziva. Akunangqumbo, kodwa ubushushu bokwenene. Njengoko uRoss esitsho, eli ligama kunye nemvakalelo endandiyiva kakhulu malunga nayo mva nje.
Lo msindo wayengenguye umhlobo wam yedwa, utshilo uRoss. Ubushushu bakhe butshiswe lixesha lokuphila kwamadoda azinceda kwimizimba yabasetyhini ngaphandle kwemvume. Kukho inkcubeko yokuba amadoda azincede kubafazi. Ngamanye amaxesha kubonakala kungenabungozi, njengakwimeko yomhlobo wakhe. Ngamanye amaxesha kukwaphula umthetho ngokwesondo. Ngamanye amaxesha kunqunyelwe kumazwi amadoda, asazise ukuba bayakholelwa ukuba banegunya kuthi.
Siva kude kakhulu amaxesha amaninzi ukuba abasetyhini abawazi umohluko phakathi kwezi zinto. Siva uMat Damon, emele abanye abaninzi ababelana ngezimvo zakhe kunye nokungajongwa kwakhe kwabafazi, esixelela ukuba kufuneka kubekho iimpendulo ezahlukeneyo kumadoda afana noHarvey Weinstein kunokuba kunjalo kuAziz Ansari, ngokungathi asiyazi loo nto . Ababoni ukuba ezi zinto zisebenza njani kwiiphelo ezahlukeneyo zembonakalo zinokucingelwa kwindawo enye.
Andizange ndive ukuba ibekwe ngokucacileyo ngaphezu kwengcaciso kaRoss:
Umsonto oqhelekileyo ngu spectrum. Indawo eqhelekileyo yenza indawo yokoyikisayo. Kwaye abafazi kufuneka baphile neziphumo zazo zombini nayo yonke into ephakathi.
Abasetyhini bahlangana nayo yonke into ukusuka kwi-microaggressions ukuya kwi-aggression-aggressions yonke imihla. Rhoqo amaxesha ngamaxesha ngemini. Kwaye asikaze, ngokudibeneyo, sibe nendawo eyamkelekileyo ekuhlaleni ngomsindo osifaka kuthi. (Amanqaku kaRoss, Kwaye ukuba uyongeza kwimbali yobuhlanga- eyenye intetho-iya isiba nzima ngakumbi.)
Kuwo onke amadoda azibuza ukuba kutheni abantu basetyhini benomsindo ngequbuliso, okanye kutheni amadoda amaninzi ebizelwa ngaphandle ngokuziphatha kwawo, akukho nto ikhawulezileyo ngayo. Oku bekuhleli ngaphakathi kuthi ixesha elide kakhulu.
Obo bushushu babahlobo bam baziva bebambe iinkulungwane zokungakwazi ukubhekisa ngqo okanye babonakalise ingqumbo yethu, ukukhathazeka, kunye nomsindo. Xa umntu ecinga ukuba angazinceda emizimbeni yethu, ayisiyi kuvutha nje ingqumbo yangoku, kodwa ikhanyisela elidlulileyo.
Into ebonakala ngathi yeyomzuzwana eposini ngokuqinisekileyo sisiqhushumbisi somsindo.
Kulungile… kaboom.
Ndiyakukhuthaza ukuba ubukele ividiyo ngokupheleleyo. Kwaye njengokulandela, funda le akhawunti inamandla evela kwimvumi uToni Hartley (ohamba yiThe Birdhorse ngokomsebenzi). Waye waya kwintetho kwaye uchaza ukudibana okwenzekileyo emva kokuba uRoss ethethile.
Iposi ekwabelwana ngalo ngu Intaka yeentaka (@thebirdhorse) nge-12 ka-Epreli 2018 ngo-9: 24 pm PDT
Ubhala ukuba emva kwentetho, abambalwa ababekho kwi-TED bema ukuze 'baphendule ngentlonipho' kwiintetho ezahlukeneyo kwaye umntu omhlophe waphakama ukuphendula ezikaTracee. Wathetha ngendlela eze ngayo enomsindo omkhulu, enomsindo omkhulu, engakhange enze nto ukumngenisa, emva koko wakhankanya umkhwa wakhe wokuba ngutata olungileyo ongumfazi ngokulungisa abantu abaxelela iintombi zakhe ukuba zintle ngokubakhomba ukuba bakrelekrele.
Ndiyazi ukuba uRoss wayenjalo Ndiyathetha malunga neemvakalelo ezinkulu, kodwa andazi ukuba nabani na angaliva ilizwi lakhe elinganisiweyo kwaye azive isidingo sokucula. UHartley uthi uthethile nale ndoda kangangemizuzu engama-20, ebuza ukuba kutheni eyalile le ntetho ngelishwa, kodwa kufanelekile, ukuba ngenye imini abambe ingqumbo yeentombi zakhe. Kwaye kuya kufuneka bafunde nendlela yokubonisa abafazi abamnyama kwaye babambe umsindo wabo.
UHartley uyabuza,
Kutheni wajonga kwintetho yakhe? Kutheni le nto ukuthanda kwakhe nokubiza ubundlongondlongo obunobundlobongela kwakumsongela? Wala umnxeba kaTracee wokuthatha amanyathelo ngenxa yobumhlophe, ukungabi namava kwendoda yokuhlala nokungonwabi. Kungumsebenzi wethu ukuhlala kukungavakali kokuva amazwi avela eludinini. Kungumsebenzi wethu ukubenza baviwe. Umsindo nazo zonke.
(ngoTracee Ellis Ross kwi-Twitter, umfanekiso: iscreencap)
