Ukuba uziva ngathi kukho utshintsho kwisithuba sexesha eliqhubekayo izolo, ngoku ndiyavuyisana nawe, mhlobo wam onomdla-ngolwe-Lwesine uphawule ukukhutshwa kwe Ugqirha Ngubani iphonografi Uhenyuzo kaGqirha (ewe, nam andinguye umlandeli wegama. Ngonaphakade ndililela abalahlekileyo UDicktor amathuba) ukusuka Irocket Woodet , Inkampani yabantu abadala yokuvelisa iifilimu eyaziwa njengezihloko ezinje ngo-G ame waMathambo kwaye I Knobbit . Ke, yintoni isivumelwano kunye neCybersemen kunye noDildo Baggins? Ndijonge umngxunya womvundla (kunye nezinye ii-orifices) zeefilimu zabantu abadala zeefilimu kwaye ndilapha, kufanelekile, ukunika ingxelo. IGeronimoan!
Ngaphambi kokubukela, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba kufuneka ndicwangcise ngeendlela zokugweba ifilimu. Ukusukela oko amatyala eRocket Rocket I-DW. njengemidlalo yokuhlekisa, uburharha ngokucacileyo buya kubaluleka, njengoko kuboniswa ngumfanekiso bhanyabhanya wabasetyhini. Okokugqibela kubonakala ngathi yindawo ebalulekileyo yeWood Rocket nayo. Isithethi uLee Roy Myers undixelele nge-imeyile ukuba inkampani yemveliso iyakholelwa:
Abathengi bendabuko be-porn babengamadoda amaninzi. I-Intanethi iye yaqhushumbisa iphonografi kwaye yenza intengiso entsha, yanamhlanje eye yadala ishishini elitsha, lala maxesha ekufuneka linike abantu bazo zonke iintlobo zesini, ubuhlanga, kunye nokhetho lwezesondo kunye neentsana kunye nezinto abazithandayo. Ke, kuninzi umxholo wabantu abadala owenziwe ngamabhinqa engqondweni ngoku, hayi ngokuzithoba okanye ukwazisa uluntu ngendlela-yendlela. Imifanekiso engamanyala yanamhlanje inokubonisa isini esithandekayo kwaye siyisekele ngokwenyani kunye nokubonakaliswa kokonwaba okunempilo kwesondo, ukulingana kubume besini, kunye neenjongo zobufazi.
Olo lonwabo lusempilweni lwento emnandi yokwabelana ngesondo kubonakala kufanelekile kule veki, kunye namabele amnandi kunye nalapho ungabafumana khona, uBrenna Twohy uziphendulela ngokumangalisayo ngePotterotica, esenza ujikelezo kwi-Intanethi. Ngaba ke iifilimu zabantu abadala ezisekwe kwinkcubeko ye-geek zinomtsalane ofanayo kwiintsomi ezithandekayo, kwaye ngaba zinika abalinganiswa babo ababhinqileyo ubuntu kunye ne-arhente kunentlawulo yemveli? U-Myers wayenolwazi oluncinci lokuba kutheni iWood Rocket itsaleleke kwizifundo ezithile:
Iqela lethu lenziwe ngabalandeli be Imidlalo yeethrone , Ugqirha Ngubani , Idabi leenkwenkwezi , Inkwenkwezi yetrek , kwaye intle kakhulu yonke iSci Fi enomdla, intelekelelo, umdlalo ohlekisayo, ukoyikeka, ikhathuni, okanye ukhenketho, iinkqubo zikamabonwakude, iimuvi, iincwadi ezihlekisayo kunye nemidlalo.
Ndicinga ukuba ikamva le-porn liya kufana nefiction fiction: indibaniselwano yenkcubeko kunye nokuzonwabisa okuqhelekileyo kunye nokwabelana ngesondo kunye nobunqunu. Abantu bayathanda ukonwatyiswa kwaye bayathanda ukwehla. Sizama ukunikela zombini endaweni enye. Kwaye umbono uthandeka kangaka ukuza kuthi ga ngoku.
Ukwazi ukuba ndibonakala ndikhuselekile ezandleni zezinye i-kinky nerds ezintle, ndiyangena. Isilumkiso esifanelekileyo: ngelixa yonke imifanekiso engezantsi i-PG, amakhonkco ngokuqinisekileyo awakho.
Njengoko bendikhe ndavuma ngaphambili, andinzulu kugqirha wobugqirha njengabafundi abaninzi bakaMary Sue, ke ndiyarhana ukuba ezinye zeereferensi zeefilimu zalahleka kum. Amanqaku aliqela anokuhambelana nemidla yakho: ii-cybermen zibizwa ngokuba zii-cybersemen, ngokucacileyo . I-TARDIS, kakhulu njengeVAGINA, incinci ngaphandle kunangaphakathi; iziqhulo zenziwa ngeendleko zikaRobin Thicke; ukukhanya kwenyanga kweCybersemen kwindawo yokuthanjiswa kwamadoda kwaye bayazixakekisa ngeNetflix. Kwaye, ewe: Uhenyuzo kaGqirha izipho UTshazimpuzi O'Neil njengebhinqa lokuqala lexesha leNkosi . Thatha loo nto, Moffat. [ Umhleli. Qaphela: Ewe, u-Epreli O'Neil waphefumlelwa ukuba athathe igama lakhe lamanyala Ufudo lweMinja Ninja Turtles]
Isigwebo: 4/5 I-Rock-Hard Tardises
Nje ukuba ubone igama Iqhina kwibhokisi yakho yemeyile, ngubani phakathi kwethu onamandla ngokwaneleyo ukuba angajonga kude? (Mhlawumbi uninzi.) Ndaya kwi-adventure, bafana, kwaye wow yayiyi-wacky.
Ukuba nawe, wenza ingxoxo yokuya phaya kwaye ubuye kwakhona, amanye amanqaku ekufuneka awathathele ingqalelo: Kwindawo enye ndiyakholelwa ukuba kuthethwa ukuba uGlandalf walala noBalrog (Hee, ndilungile noko). Emva kwexesha, uDildo udibana noBallum, onyanzelisa ukusebenzisa iithoyi ukuphucula ukonwaba kwakhe (nangona ngokucacileyo enokwabelana ngesondo ngaphezu kwengcaciso kaPeter Jackson kunye noAndy Serkis kaSmeagol, uBallum naye akakwazanga ukunika ii-fucks ezimbini ezindizayo malunga nokujonga kwendoda). Ndonwabe kakhulu, xa uDildo esiza, ubhengeza ukuba ndifikile. Ewe. Mna 100% ndikholelwa ukuba bubungakanani be-hobbit yomthamo wentetho emdaka.
Isigwebo: 5/5 Hornys of Gondor, okanye 10/11 Elevenses
Ukuba Uhenyuzo kaGqirha okanye I Knobbit isakushiya ufuna, kuhlala kukho ii-Westeros kunye nonikezelo lwayo olungenasiphelo lobusika _____ abafaki kabini.
Ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, iWood Rocket yenze iziqendu ezisi-7 zazo Imidlalo yeethrone lumo Umdlalo wamathambo . Isiqendu somqhubi wenqwelomoya Ubusika BuneCum yayiyeyona nto ndiyithandayo kweefilimu zabo okwangoku, ubukhulu becala ngoba yayingakhange ibonakale izinzile kwinyani yomboniso. Iipropu zesingeniso esithandekayo, nangona kunjalo. Kwaye, ubuncinci bekukho kakhulu umlinganiso wobunqunu obulinganayo ngakumbi kunokuba siza kubona kwi-HBO!
Isigqibo: 2/5 iiHodongs
Ukusuka kwinto endiyibonileyo ngeWoodrocket, iifilimu zabo zabantu abadala zinokufana kwi-slashfic kuba ababhali bayaziqonda iipolitiki ze-fandom kunye neepeeve. Akunjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi iifoto zoononophala-ngo-2012 Iimfazwe zeNkwenkwezi: XXX unamandla ndiphinde ndazenza ezinye zeempawu zokuqala zetrogogy, kodwa abaphulaphuli abanenkqubela phambili banokuthi balk kwi-transphobia yabo kunye nokubonakaliswa kwabasetyhini. Hustler ’s Le ayisiyiyo iMidlalo yeTrone ibizwa ngokufanelekileyo kuloo nto, ngokungafaniyo, Uhenyuzo kaGqirha , Akubonakali ngathi kunolwazi olwaneleyo kumdlalo ukukholisa abalandeli be-hardcore (akukho pun).
Okukwintsusa (goddamnit), zininzi iindlela zokufumana amatye kweli lizwe lethu lincinci lingaqhelekanga, kwaye ukuba ikhona enye yeendlela zakho oquka abalinganiswa abathile okanye inkcubeko ye-pop (halp!), IWood Rocket inokuthi iphumelele ' ukukhubekisa ezopolitiko okanye ukuthanda kwakho abalandeli. (Esihogweni, bade babe nefilimu enikezelwe ekufumaneni izinto zokuthintela ukukhulelwa kwiLobby Hobby.) Ngoku, inye kuphela 'ivesi endinokuyithanda ukubona ishishini labantu abadala befilimu liphonononga nzulu:
Ndizakuba kwibhedi yam.
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