Ekuvukeni kwazo zonke izityholo zokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo kunye nokuhlaselwa e-Hollywood nakwezinye iindawo, kuye kwakho umbono omnye ophazamisayo ohleli kwincoko. Amanye amadoda ayifumene entloko ukuba ekuphela kwesizathu sokuba abasetyhini baphume nezi zityholo kukuba abenzi bobubi abashushu. Ukuba ngaba yayingamakhwenkwe anomtsalane enza ukuxhatshazwa, aba bafazi baya kucula ingoma eyahlukileyo. Nantsi kutheni le nto iyimfumba yehashe.
Umntu othile kwisangqa sam buqu waqala ngeposi kuFacebook ngokubhekisele kwizityholo zokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo nxamnye noLouis CK Ngale ntsuku zimbalwa zidlulileyo: anditsho ukuba isenzo sikaLouie CK asinto elizothe .. Ndithetha nje, ukuba ibinguChanning Tatum, ngekhe babenomsindo ngayo .. Kwimeko, uLouis khange ubuzwe ukuba ungene Umlingo uMike ngenxa yezizathu ezicacileyo. Ukuba uMnu Tatum wayenobukrakra, ndiyathandabuza ukuba nabani na angakhalaza.
Le ndlela yokucinga yandilandela ukuza kuthi ga namhlanje, xa ndifunda into kaJohn Ziegler ngaphaya kweMediaite ngemigangatho emitsha yemithombo yeendaba kulandela ukubhencwa kukaHarvey Weinstein kwiThe New York Times esandula ukuvula amasango ezikhukhula abasetyhini abaza ngaphambili.
Kwi isiqwenga soluvo okhathala kakhulu malunga nemisebenzi yamadoda eye yonakaliswa (ilizwi elingenzi nto, kuba amadoda awaze awonakalise umsebenzi wabo ngezenzo zabo) kunamaxhoba ababhinqileyo iqinisekisiwe Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokwesini kunye nokuhlaselwa, uZiegler uziva isidingo sokukhankanya ukuba uninzi lweeprofayili eziphezulu, phantse ezingathandekiyo ezimhlophe ezingamadoda angamadoda e-Hollywood / Media elite, atyholwa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo zokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo.
Kutheni le nto kubalulekile ukuba la madoda phantse angathandeki, ubuncinci, ngokwamadoda ajongeka ngathi athe tye abachazayo? Kuba nzulu, ayingabafazi ababonisa ukuba la madoda awathandeki, ngamanye amadoda.
Ndinethiyori: amadoda ajongeka phakathi abona la madoda etyholwa njengolwandiso lwawo. Njengokuba, xa nawuphina umntu ezisa isini, kukho iqela lamadoda eliza kunyanzelisa #Angabo Onke Amadoda, kukho amadoda athile abona aba bahlukumezi behla besiya kucinga Apho, kodwa ngenxa yobabalo lukaThixo, ndiya . Ngenxa yokuba abayiboni indlela aba baziphethe ngayo nabahlukumezi abahluke kakhulu kunaleyo bona onokuyenza.
Kungenxa yoko le nto uva amadoda amaninzi ebuza mva nje ukuba kufanelekile ukuba sidlale ngothando ngoku? Okanye, ngaba andifanele ndixelele nawuphi na umfazi ukuba ndinomdla kuye? Babona ngokwenyani akukho mahluko phakathi kokudlala ngothando kunye nokubetha i-dick yakho ngaphandle ukuze uphulula amaphambili phambi komntu ngelixa usenza nzima ukuba bahambe. Ukuba uyenzile uyawubona umohluko, ngekhe kubekhona ukudideka okungaka malunga nento ekufuneka bayenze ngoku.
U-Laurie Penny oqaqambileyo uhlala ekwenza oku kwisiqwenga asibhalileyo kwi-Longreads esandula ukubizwa Ingcaciso eMfutshane , malunga nendlela amadoda ekuzakufuneka aqhelane nokungonwabi okwethutyana, kuba ekugqibeleni banyanzelwa ukuba bacinge ngeziphumo zokuziphatha soze kulungile, kodwa ukuba zange nje bohlwaywe ngaphambili.
Ubhala athi:
Ukwabelana ngesondo akuyongxaki, kodwa kubantu abathile isini ngokwaso sele sikhutshiwe, kwaye loo nto, yingxaki. 'Ayikuko ukudlala ngothando ukuba nabani na kuthi abe nengxaki naye,' utshilo umhlobo wam osenyongweni, emva kobusuku emva kobunye ujikelezo lomsebenzi odinisayo wokuzama ukukhulisa umfanekiso othusayo wamadoda esiwaziyo ukuze angawi ngaphezulu wethu. ‘Ilungelo. Uqikelelo. Iinjongo. Siyazi xa sisenziwa ubuntu. Ukudlala ngothando luhlobo apho basibona khona. Abayi kuyazi indlela yokudlala ngothando ngendlela eyiyo de baqale ukungafundi ngendlela abasijonga ngayo. '
Uninzi lwamadoda endikhe ndathetha nawo malunga noku sele beqalisile ngokuzikhethela ukuba bathethe 'ngokungajolisisi abasetyhini.' Ukuzibuza ukuba mabayeke nje ukujonga abafazi abahle kwaphela, ukuba isenzo sokunqwenela omnye umntu naso sinobundlobongela. . Kubuhlungu kakhulu ukuba ukudideka kuye kwavela; kufanelekile ukuba ufune umntu ngaphandle kokubaphatha kakubi. Kodwa ngokucacileyo sidale umhlaba apho kunzima kakhulu ukuba indoda inqwenele umfazi kwaye imphathe njengomntu ngexesha elinye.
Ke, asizami ukukhuphela umthetho ngokwesondo. Sizama ukuyikhulula. Ubuza ukuba indalo iyakuphila njani ukuba kufuneka sihlale sijonga imvume ngaphambi kokuba sifike kwindlela yokuzala kwakhona, kodwa ndiyakuthembisa ukuba uhlobo luneengxaki ezininzi kunaleyo.
Ndicinga ukuba lo mgca uphindaphinda: Ngokucacileyo sidale umhlaba apho kunzima kakhulu ukuba indoda inqwenele umfazi kwaye imphathe njengomntu kwangaxeshanye.
Sikhulisa amakhwenkwe kwaye sikhuthaza amadoda ukuba axabise uHunt. Ukuba umfazi ulandela yena , okanye anikele ngesondo, uzimisele, 'uyaphambana,' okanye uziphethe kakubi. Kodwa ukuba uyindoda, zive ukhululekile ukuba zingisa kunye nembasa kwaye tyhala umfazi ngesondo, Yiyo leyo ngokupheleleyo kuhle.
Ndizibonile zombini. Ndikhe ndadlala ngothando lwee-dudes kwimivalo kwaye ndafana no-hey, ndifuna ukuya kulo esofeni apho? okanye ezinye ezilinganayo, kwaye ii-dudes zifana Ewe, hayi . Bonke baba novalo kwaye abazi ukuba mabenze ntoni ngeziqu zabo. Kodwa nini bona Ndifuna isondo, xa ndicinga ngeshishini lam, abayi kundishiya ndedwa. Inzala yam okanye umnqweno wam, okanye nawuphi na umntu wasetyhini, ayisiyiyo into equation. Ngokucacileyo, bona ekugqibeleni bafuna umfazi ukuba abe nomdla, kodwa bafuna i umdlalo Ekuqaleni.
Amadoda ayakuxabisa oko kungafiki lula kwaye yeyona ngxaki iphambili. Sifundisa amadoda ukuba abaphathe abafazi njengexhoba. Konke malunga noloyiso kunye namandla. Bayafundiswa hayi ukunqwenela imvume. Abasetyhini bafundiswa ukuba bangakwenzi nika ngokulula kakhulu. Kwaye emva koko siyazibuza ukuba kutheni siva amabali amaninzi malunga nokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo kwaye kutheni siphila ngenkcubeko yokudlwengulwa.
Amadoda adideke kakhulu, kuba abona kakhulu kakhulu kwabo batyholwayo. Kungenxa yoko le nto, xa bebona amadoda afana no-Weinstein okanye uLouis CK Ukujongana nezityholo zokuziphatha gwenxa ngokwesondo eziqinisekisiweyo amanye amaxhoba kunye nemithombo , kubo kubonakala ngathi kukuzingelwa kwabathakathi, kanti kuye nabani na ongomnye, kwaye naphantsi kwazo naziphi na ezinye iimeko, olu hlobo lwendawo yokuncinitha lungqina ubungqina bengxaki enkulu, yenkqubo.
Ukuya ngqo emadodeni, eyona nto imbi kakhulu emhlabeni ngabafazi abangafuni ukulala nabo. Kwabafazi, eyona nto imbi ehlabathini kukukhathazwa ngokwesini, ukuhlaselwa, okanye ukuxhatshazwa ngamadoda. Phantse urhwebo olulinganayo okanye olulinganayo.
Kodwa akukho mntu ufuna ukuba njalo yabona njengomhlukumezi okanye umdlwenguli, kwaye ke bafuna izizathu zokuthethelela ukuba kutheni la madoda, angenzi nto imbi ukutshutshiswa kanzima ngoku. Kwaye ekubeni uninzi lwamadoda lunomndilili wokutsala (yiyo loo nto kubizwa ngokuba 'ngumndilili'), kulula kakhulu kubo ukuba bajonge amadoda anomtsalane ngakumbi kwaye bazigalele kukhuseleko lwabo:
Ukuba NDINGUYE lo mfo, bendiya kuba lula kakhulu. Ndiyathetha ukuba BAYA. Ndiyathetha, i-WEINSTEIN kunye ne-C. kungayinto elula. Kuba asithethi kwaphela ngam. Sithetha NGABA bafana. Kodwa nditsho nje ukuba babonakala ngathi nguChanning Tatum, amanenekazi ayafuna ngokupheleleyo ukuba ndihlaziye phambi kwabo eofisini, okanye ndingabavumeli ukuba baphume kwigumbi ngelixa ndibaxelela iingcinga zam zesondo, okanye ubacele ukuba banike ndithambise ngelixa ndihamba ze ngexesha lesidlo sasemini seshishini.
Nantsi into nonke nina nibukeka ngokomndilili apha phandle kufuneka niqonde malunga nabafazi abatsala amadoda (ewe, kwaye kufuneka ukhumbule ukuba baninzi abantu basetyhini abangakhange). Ulungele? Ukunqwenelwa ngamadoda anomtsalane akuthethi ukuba sifuna ukuphathwa njengabantu. Ukufunwa ngamadoda, ixesha, ayisiyiyo yonke into kunye nesiphelo-sobukho bethu, kwaye ubushushu akuyiyo ipasile yasimahla ocinga ukuba yiyo.
Kungenxa yokuba ayikho badala nje, amadoda amhlophe atyholwa ngokuhlukumeza ngokwesondo okanye ukubetha: UCasey Affleck, uKobe Bryant, uBen Affleck, R. Kelly, (zikhona ezinye ii-Afflecks? Hayi, kodwa kukho) uNate Parker, Ed Westwick. Onke la madoda angaphantsi kuka-Weinstein kunye no-CK, kwaye onke athathelwa ingqalelo njengabafazi abanomdla. Nangona kunjalo, sinomsindo ofanayo kwaye siyacekiseka yindlela abaphatha ngayo abantu basetyhini. Qhubeka ukhangele amagama abo kwibar yokukhangela engentla. Sibhale amanqaku aliqela kuninzi lwabo bethetha ngendlela eyoyikeka, ecekisekayo, kunye nolwaphulo-mthetho ngenxa yezinto abazenzileyo.
Cinga ngokufaneleka. Ngaba usemsebenzini, okanye kwimbutho yokonwaba? Ngaba unegunya phezu kwakhe emsebenzini wakhe okanye ngenye indlela? Ngaba sele umbuzile kwakanye, kwaye wathi akanamdla, kodwa unomdla okhawulezileyo wokuzama kwakhona? Ayizizo zonke iimeko ezilungileyo zokudlala ngothando, abasetyhini abafuni ukuthandana nabo ngawo wonke umzuzu, kwaye kukho abanye abantu basetyhini ekufuneka ubashiye bodwa ngokupheleleyo.
Awungo inelungelo ingqalelo yabasetyhini ngesondo. Yeyethu ukunika okanye ukunganiki, njengoko ingqalelo yakho yesondo ingokwakho ukuba unike okanye unganiki. Ungabuza (ngokukhethekileyo ngendlela engathethi siphumo esibi kuthi ukuba sithi hayi), kodwa kuya kufuneka uyihloniphe nayiphi na impendulo yethu esemthethweni, kuba singabantu abanelungelo kwiminqweno yethu kwaye iimvakalelo.
Yiyo kanye loo nto yokuziva unelungelo, ephenjelelwa ziimvakalelo ezifanayo zokungazithembi, iphindaphindwe ngesikhundla esinamandla esenza la madoda enze into ayenzileyo. Kuba njengoko watshoyo umhlobo wam kuFacebook, uLouis akazange abuzwe Umlingo uMike ngenxa yezizathu ezicacileyo. Kuyinyani. Wakhe wonke umsebenzi wakhe wokuhlekisa kwinto yokuba uyi-schlub. Kodwa uyithiyile . Uyithiyile kakhulu kangangokuba kuye kwafuneka ukuba enze amandla okulawula ngokwesini kubafazi abaninzi ukuze azive engcono.
Umnqweno wamadoda awubalulekanga ngaphezu kokhuseleko okanye ukuzimela komfazi. Njengokuba siqhubeka sikhanyisa ukukhanya ngokuziphatha gwenxa ngokwesondo, okude, kufihliwe, amadoda kufuneka athathe eli thuba lokufumanisa ukuba yeyiphi enye indlela yokuphatha iimvakalelo zabo zokungazithembi kunye noloyiko. Kuba ucinga ntoni? Abafazi banabo nabo, kodwa siyiphatha ikaka yethu.
Asinalo uxanduva ngokudibeneyo lokuba sisiseko semvakalelo yeemen. Abafazi abakho yeyakho .
(umfanekiso: Sony)
