Ukusukela oko iAziz Ansari incoko iqale kwimpelaveki ivune iingcinga ezininzi kwiindawo ezininzi. Abanye bacinga ngenene ukuba bayakuqonda ukungcola kwemeko kwaye kutheni iyinxalenye ebalulekileyo yeengxoxo ezinkulu ze- # MeToo. Abanye, ngokwenene Ukugxotha uGrace kwaye amava akhe .
Kwimbono yakhe INew York Times , umbhali uLindy West ukhankanya iincwadi, izincoko, kunye neziganeko ezenzeka phakathi kowe-1975 nanamhlanje ezizise imiba ye-Sexual Harassment, ukudlwengula, ukubetha kunye nemvume kuluntu. Ucacisa ukuba ngelixa uninzi lwezi zinto lwalusenzeka kwizangqa zabafazi kunye nenkcubeko, uAziz Ansari wayekwasebenza kwikhondo lakhe kunye nokubhala. Ngelixa ngokuthe chu besifumana iilwimi kunye nesigama seemvakalelo ezithile kunye namava-ingxoxo yamava ngokwawo ayonto intsha.
Kukho utyekelo lokucinga, xa usilwa namabali okuziphatha gwenxa ngokwesondo njengezityholo ezibekwe e-Ansari kule mpelaveki iphelileyo- izehlo ezibonakala zikhona kuloo mmandla ungwevu phakathi kohlaselo kunye namandla agxothiweyo-ukubonisa ukuba imigaqo yesondo itshintshile. Lena Yinyaniso. Umgca phakathi kokulukuhla nokunyanzelwa utshintshile, kwaye uhambile ngokukhawuleza, kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo (kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo, nkqu). Xa ndandineminyaka engama-20 ubudala, kwiminyaka elishumi edlulileyo, isondo kwakuyinto ye-melee. Akukho ndlela akukho mgaqo kuphela, kwaye yayisamkelekile ngokuqinileyo kwizangqa zentlalo ukukhathaza umntu de bavume ukulala nawe. (Kwimiboniso bhanyabhanya, oku kwakubizwa ngokuba kukuhlekisa ngothando.)
Okwangoku, njengoko iNtshona ichaza, xa kuxoxwa ngobudlelwane bamadoda nale nkcukacha, into engeyonyani sisindululo sokuba iincoko ezintsonkothileyo malunga nemvume yintsimi entsha, okanye ukuba amadoda awazange anikwe thuba laneleyo lokufumana.
Umbono wemvume yokuvuma awuzange uwele esithubeni ngo-Okthobha u-2017 ukuphazamisa iinjongo ezintle kodwa amadoda atyholayo; yakhiwa, ingxola kwaye ngokungxamisekileyo kwaye esidlangalaleni, ngeendleko ezinkulu zobuqu kubaxhasi bayo, ngaphezulu kwamashumi eminyaka. Ukuba ukhathazeka malunga nokugqitha okuboniweyo kwe- # MeToo, mhlawumbi ungaqala ngokuvavanya iindlela ozibonakalise ngazo ukubekwa amabala kubufazi. Iincoko ezithandekayo malunga nemvume kunye nokulalana ngokwesini bekusenzeka yonke imihla uAziz Ansari ayichithe njengomntu ophilayo, onobuntu kulo mhlaba. Isizathu sokuba bazive bengaphandle kwamadoda amaninzi kukuba amadoda amaninzi awazange azive ngathi kufuneka emamele.
Kum njengentombazana engatshatanga ekwiminyaka yama-20 esele ibuyele echibini lokuthandana, uninzi lwezinto uGrace athetha ngazo kwinqaku lakhe zinokuchazwa kubafazi abaninzi kuba yi amava aqhelekileyo. Sele sigqithile kuyo yonke ingxoxo malunga nokwabelana ngesondo okungalunganga kunye nokungathethi xa sithetha ngebali le-Cat-Person. Esinye sezizathu sokuba sihambe sisasazeka kwaye sihlangane nabafazi abaninzi kungenxa yokuba uninzi lwethu luzibonile ezo zinto. Akukho mntu wayeyibiza ngokuba kukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo, kodwa saqonda ukuba yayiyinxalenye yengxaki yonxibelelwano phakathi kwamadoda nabasetyhini.
Emva koko inqaku leBabe lawa. Ngesiquphe yayingengomntu oqiqayo oyintsomi, kodwa umntu esasicinga ukuba ukhuselekile, umntu esimhloniphayo, kunye nomntu esasijolise kuye: Aziz Ansari.
Kukho olu luvo lokuba ukuphawula nokubiza isimilo esiqhutywa ngu-Ansari kuthetha ukumbeka kwinqanaba elifanayo noHarvey Weinstein okanye uLouis CK.
Andazi ukuba ngoobani aba bantu bamthelekisa namanye amadoda, kodwa andikababoni. Into endiyibonileyo ngabafazi abacela amadoda ukuba azi ngakumbi imikhondo kunye namacebo, kokubini ngamazwi nangaphandle komlomo, xa uzibandakanya kubudlelwane bezesondo. Njengoko ndithethile nabasetyhini ngale nto kwiqela lam lomhlobo, kwaziswa ukuba uninzi lwamaxesha amadoda awakwazi nokuxela xa umfazi ene-orgasm. Bahlala besongelwe ngamava abo ezesondo kwaye ingekude kube kugqityiwe ukuba bahlala bemisa ikhefu akubuzanga? Kwaye ukuba uyaxoka kwaye uthi ewe kuba ungathanda ukugqiba izinto apha, bavuma nje bathi ndicinga ukuba ndiyaziva.
Ukuba amadoda awakwazi (kwaye nangakumbi akulindelekile ukuba axelele) ukuba ngubani na Ukuzibandakanya ngokwesondo kunye Ngaba une-orgasm, baya kufundiswa njani ukuqonda yonke eminye imiqondiso? Kwaye ngakumbi bafuna ukwazi? Singabakhuthaza abantu basetyhini ukuba bazithethelele ngakumbi ngeemvakalelo zabo kwaye bathi hayi xa beziva besoyikiswa, kodwa amadoda nawo kufuneka ayazi indlela yokufunda nabo basetyhini. Xa ubeka isandla somfazi kwiibhulukhwe zakho kwaye uyasusa-musa ukusibuyisela umva. Xa umfazi esithi masicothe izinto ungafaki iminwe yakho emlonyeni.
UGrace ngekhe athi hayi kude kube kamva ngamazwi akhe, kodwa wayenika intabalala Amacebo ngaphambi koko.
Njengoko uWest esitsho kwinqaku lakhe, besithetha ngemicimbi yokudlwengulwa kunye nemvume amashumi eminyaka. Yintoni etshintshileyo, ngaphezu kwayo nayiphi na enye into, kukukwazi ukuviwa ngabasetyhini. Singaphikisana malunga nenjongo yokuba uGrace eze ngaphambili kwaye abize uAziz ngegama, kodwa oko kungqina ntoni? Inyaniso yokuba uninzi lwabasetyhini lunokukugxotha okwenzekileyo kuye njengokuthandana kwi-20s yakho kuyandoyikisa njengomfazi okwi-20s yam.
Ngaba ngenene kufanelekile ukuba sihambe ebomini silindele ukuba amadoda angasimameli xa sibanda okanye singaphenduli ngentshiseko kubo? Kubonakala ngathi abantu abanjengoBari Wiess bayalibala ukuba ungathanda umntu, ungafuni ukulala nabo ngalo mzuzu, kodwa ungafuni nokubatyhalela kude. Ukuba kukho amanqanaba kwizinto ozonwabisayo ngokwesondo, abanye abantu baxhaphake kakhulu malunga nokwabelana ngesondo ngomlomo kunezinye iintlobo zesini. Ukuba abantu basetyhini bafundiswe ngeendlela ezininzi ukuba enye yezona zinto zimbi onokuzenza kumfana kukuhlekisa kwaye ke ngoko zama ngako konke okusemandleni abo ukuhla amadoda ngobunono endaweni yokuqumba.
Yintoni ebaluleke ngaphezu kokuxoxa ngokufanele ukwenzeka kuAziz Ansari kunye nomsebenzi wakhe wobomi, kukuqonda indlela esingazifundi ngayo izifundo ezinengxaki malunga nokuthandana kunye nokwabelana ngesondo. Sifikile njani kwindawo apho abafazi baziva ngathi kufuneka bamkele amava amnandi ezesondo ngolu hlobo? Apho sisoyika ukubiza into ngokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo kuba kugqithise kakhulu xa uhlaselo ngokwesondo lubandakanya ukuchukumisa okungafunekiyo . Kwaye sifike njani kwinqanaba apho abafana bacinga ukuba kulungile ukwenza ngale ndlela okoko engathi hayi?
Intshukumo ye- # MeToo kufanele ukuba imalunga nokujongana nokungalingani ngokwesondo kunye namandla okuqina phakathi kwamadoda nabasetyhini kwimiba eyahlukeneyo yobomi babo. Ibali likaGrace liyayenza loo nto kwaye liyenza ngendlela eyenza ukuba abantu bangakhululeki kwaye bangaqiniseki yiyo loo nto eyinxalenye yale ntshukumo. Iindawo ezingwevu ziyinxalenye yokwenyani kwethu ngokwesondo.
(ngeNew York Times, umfanekiso: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com)
-UMary Sue unemigaqo-nkqubo engqongqo yokuphawula engavumiyo, kodwa ayikhawulelwanga, ukuthukwa nabani na , Intiyo nentetho egonyamelayo. —
